Six
It’s SO frustrating. We’re now 18 days into our 21 and just NOTHING is happening. We’re thinking about planning every waking moment, but can do nothing. We can’t order wood for the shuttering, start clearing the site, order the shed, nothing. Absolutely zippo. Except somebody in the village helpfully tells me that the reason I’m not getting planning is because my name is all over this WAG stuff and the planners don’t like me. This is Utter Rot because we first wrote to planning on 16th April (16TH APRIL – that’s MONTHS ago) and the WAG stuff started up in late June. However, even though it is Utter Rot it still winds me up… What if we don’t get planning?
By Thursday night the lack of anything shed related is beginning to get to us, and we start with our plans for that rope… I clear out an overgrown lavender from a pot and find a Nice Bit Of Wood in the shed. The current shed, also known as a garage because it used to be a horrible concrete garage before it was replaced with a beautiful Keith Shed, has lots of Nice Bits Of Wood in it – that’s what sheds are for. Unless they have pools in. We don’t actually DO anything with the Nice Bit Of Wood. Until Friday… Guy has a gig so I’m left at home with my bit of wood, the jigsaw and the woodstain… that’s all you need to keep a Sarah happy on a Friday night, really…
Saturday morning does not start well… Guy is walking down the flagstone steps at the side of the house, and Blunkett arrives but Guy does not – he’s slipped on the steps and fallen straight on his arm. I find him sitting clutching his elbow and my first thought is ‘crikey, can he still play the melodeon?’, mindful that tonight is the band’s biggest public gig of the year… He’s fine, if a little shaken, and nothing’s broken. Phew. We agree the steps must be pressure cleaned, but decide to make Phase Two of the squirrel assault course first on the basis that it’s MUCH more fun than pressure cleaning.
It doesn’t take long, and we only need to use the hand saw, jigsaw, hacksaw, extension cable, hammer, big drill, cordless drill, Stanley knife, two drill bits, a pair of scissors, a large piece of wood, a long pole, lots of rubble, a bucketful of gravel and some strong garden wire, and it’s done! We stand back and admire our handiwork. It looks pretty ridiculous – that’s the fault of the dustbin lid – but we’re Damned Pleased with it. The idea is that the squirrels now go up the original pole, along Sarah and Vincent’s lovely bit of rope to the other end, and find the feeder. They can’t go up the pole straight to the feeder because of the dustbin lid. Brilliant or what?
We’re trying to emulate the original Carling Black Label advert – I’m going to borrow a camcorder to take a video of it. We move inside to have lunch watching the squirrels. What actually happens is that they are TERRIFIED of the rope and we spend lunch watching a piece of rope. No squirrel goes anywhere near it. Instead they eat all of the bread put out for the birds on a tree nearby. We add bread to the original pole top, and Guy even wires some to the rope just to give them the idea.
Then we pressure clean. Boy, that is a MUCKY job. Quite disgusting, in fact. I do all of the steps and the patio, so no squirrels even come remotely near the assault course. Time flies and we suddenly realise that it might be a good idea to get clean before the gig…
Half an hour later I idly peer out of the upstairs window to see a squirrel – he shins straight up to the dustbin lid, wriggles on to the rope, up to the feeder and tucks in. That is NOT THE IDEA. Would a sign saying ‘please start at other end’ make a difference? Probably not… Still, at least it means he knows where the nuts are. It’s a start. A rubbish start, admittedly, but a start.
The gig is brilliant – the band are brilliant, there’s the biggest crowd ever for the gig, and I dance most of the night while Guy plays on stage. I’m SO proud of him – how anyone gets even a note out of a melodeon amazes me, let alone a tune…
On Sunday it’s more pressure cleaning. We have way too many paths that need cleaning. Still, it’s good thinking time, and I begin to think about the path that will take us from the cottage to the new cabin – we’re planning a herringbone brick path (to match the other brick path) about 2’6” wide following the curve of the flowerbed and widening out at the cabin. Lovely, but it will take about 2000 bricks which we don’t have, and take ages to lay. And it will get slimy and slippery as it’s under lots of trees. Slippery is Not Good and I’m rapidly going off paths that need pressure cleaning, so wonder if gravel with a few slabs in it wouldn’t be an easier, cheaper, safer and quicker option. Which would mean a trip to the fantastic salvage yard in Bridgend. I mention it to Guy and he says it’s a brilliant idea and would mean a trip to the fantastic salvage yard in Bridgend. So that’s sorted – plan for path re-designed in one happy morning’s pressure cleaning…
The squirrels still haven’t got it, so Guy adds more bread to the original pole - the blue tits ate the last lot. Then we have a rethink and also add a peanut feeder half way along the rope. Maybe if they get halfway, they’ll get the rest of the way too. We move back indoors to wait for the action. We have lunch watching a piece of rope. Again. And then they arrive… first one, then another, then another. And they’ve got the hang of it. At one point there are four squirrels – one on each end, one in the middle and one underneath hoovering up all the bits the others spit out… There’s also a green woodpecker on the lawn and blue tits, a nuthatch and robins on the bird food. Looks like a Disney cartoon… The squirrel on the original end is busy chucking off all the bread to look for nuts.... Mum comes down for a cup of tea to admire the squirrels, but they all disappear and we have tea watching a piece of rope.
Achieved: Phase Two of a squirrel assault course. Nothing to do with the shed!
Hours worked: About 4 pressure cleaning (also nothing to do with shed), about 1 assault course building (ditto) and about 5 minutes deciding to have a gravel path not a brick one.
Progress: The 21 days is up on Thursday, so by our reckoning that means we should hear whether or not we’ve got planning by Friday. Yeah, right… However, realistically it does mean ‘any day now’ from the end of the week. Keep your fingers crossed!
Shed plans: We’ve finalised the plans and faxed them to Keith so he can work out a final quote for us – hooray!
Meditation progress: Does thinking about paths while you’re pressure cleaning count? Probably not, but I am trying hard to think about nothing for 5 minutes each day.
Purchases: Er, still nothing. But we do have a trip to the salvage yard planned. Once we have planning…
Pressies: Guy nobly did the shopping while I pressure cleaned – frankly I prefer mucky slabs to Asda. He buys me gin…
Gin Moment Of The Week: I’m going to scrap this category, given that I’ve lost count of the ‘Moments’ this week – being knackered after WAG leafleting, being hacked off by villager re. planning, celebrating our first squirrel success… any excuse really!
By Thursday night the lack of anything shed related is beginning to get to us, and we start with our plans for that rope… I clear out an overgrown lavender from a pot and find a Nice Bit Of Wood in the shed. The current shed, also known as a garage because it used to be a horrible concrete garage before it was replaced with a beautiful Keith Shed, has lots of Nice Bits Of Wood in it – that’s what sheds are for. Unless they have pools in. We don’t actually DO anything with the Nice Bit Of Wood. Until Friday… Guy has a gig so I’m left at home with my bit of wood, the jigsaw and the woodstain… that’s all you need to keep a Sarah happy on a Friday night, really…
Saturday morning does not start well… Guy is walking down the flagstone steps at the side of the house, and Blunkett arrives but Guy does not – he’s slipped on the steps and fallen straight on his arm. I find him sitting clutching his elbow and my first thought is ‘crikey, can he still play the melodeon?’, mindful that tonight is the band’s biggest public gig of the year… He’s fine, if a little shaken, and nothing’s broken. Phew. We agree the steps must be pressure cleaned, but decide to make Phase Two of the squirrel assault course first on the basis that it’s MUCH more fun than pressure cleaning.
It doesn’t take long, and we only need to use the hand saw, jigsaw, hacksaw, extension cable, hammer, big drill, cordless drill, Stanley knife, two drill bits, a pair of scissors, a large piece of wood, a long pole, lots of rubble, a bucketful of gravel and some strong garden wire, and it’s done! We stand back and admire our handiwork. It looks pretty ridiculous – that’s the fault of the dustbin lid – but we’re Damned Pleased with it. The idea is that the squirrels now go up the original pole, along Sarah and Vincent’s lovely bit of rope to the other end, and find the feeder. They can’t go up the pole straight to the feeder because of the dustbin lid. Brilliant or what?
We’re trying to emulate the original Carling Black Label advert – I’m going to borrow a camcorder to take a video of it. We move inside to have lunch watching the squirrels. What actually happens is that they are TERRIFIED of the rope and we spend lunch watching a piece of rope. No squirrel goes anywhere near it. Instead they eat all of the bread put out for the birds on a tree nearby. We add bread to the original pole top, and Guy even wires some to the rope just to give them the idea.
Then we pressure clean. Boy, that is a MUCKY job. Quite disgusting, in fact. I do all of the steps and the patio, so no squirrels even come remotely near the assault course. Time flies and we suddenly realise that it might be a good idea to get clean before the gig…
Half an hour later I idly peer out of the upstairs window to see a squirrel – he shins straight up to the dustbin lid, wriggles on to the rope, up to the feeder and tucks in. That is NOT THE IDEA. Would a sign saying ‘please start at other end’ make a difference? Probably not… Still, at least it means he knows where the nuts are. It’s a start. A rubbish start, admittedly, but a start.
The gig is brilliant – the band are brilliant, there’s the biggest crowd ever for the gig, and I dance most of the night while Guy plays on stage. I’m SO proud of him – how anyone gets even a note out of a melodeon amazes me, let alone a tune…
On Sunday it’s more pressure cleaning. We have way too many paths that need cleaning. Still, it’s good thinking time, and I begin to think about the path that will take us from the cottage to the new cabin – we’re planning a herringbone brick path (to match the other brick path) about 2’6” wide following the curve of the flowerbed and widening out at the cabin. Lovely, but it will take about 2000 bricks which we don’t have, and take ages to lay. And it will get slimy and slippery as it’s under lots of trees. Slippery is Not Good and I’m rapidly going off paths that need pressure cleaning, so wonder if gravel with a few slabs in it wouldn’t be an easier, cheaper, safer and quicker option. Which would mean a trip to the fantastic salvage yard in Bridgend. I mention it to Guy and he says it’s a brilliant idea and would mean a trip to the fantastic salvage yard in Bridgend. So that’s sorted – plan for path re-designed in one happy morning’s pressure cleaning…
The squirrels still haven’t got it, so Guy adds more bread to the original pole - the blue tits ate the last lot. Then we have a rethink and also add a peanut feeder half way along the rope. Maybe if they get halfway, they’ll get the rest of the way too. We move back indoors to wait for the action. We have lunch watching a piece of rope. Again. And then they arrive… first one, then another, then another. And they’ve got the hang of it. At one point there are four squirrels – one on each end, one in the middle and one underneath hoovering up all the bits the others spit out… There’s also a green woodpecker on the lawn and blue tits, a nuthatch and robins on the bird food. Looks like a Disney cartoon… The squirrel on the original end is busy chucking off all the bread to look for nuts.... Mum comes down for a cup of tea to admire the squirrels, but they all disappear and we have tea watching a piece of rope.
Achieved: Phase Two of a squirrel assault course. Nothing to do with the shed!
Hours worked: About 4 pressure cleaning (also nothing to do with shed), about 1 assault course building (ditto) and about 5 minutes deciding to have a gravel path not a brick one.
Progress: The 21 days is up on Thursday, so by our reckoning that means we should hear whether or not we’ve got planning by Friday. Yeah, right… However, realistically it does mean ‘any day now’ from the end of the week. Keep your fingers crossed!
Shed plans: We’ve finalised the plans and faxed them to Keith so he can work out a final quote for us – hooray!
Meditation progress: Does thinking about paths while you’re pressure cleaning count? Probably not, but I am trying hard to think about nothing for 5 minutes each day.
Purchases: Er, still nothing. But we do have a trip to the salvage yard planned. Once we have planning…
Pressies: Guy nobly did the shopping while I pressure cleaned – frankly I prefer mucky slabs to Asda. He buys me gin…
Gin Moment Of The Week: I’m going to scrap this category, given that I’ve lost count of the ‘Moments’ this week – being knackered after WAG leafleting, being hacked off by villager re. planning, celebrating our first squirrel success… any excuse really!
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