Seventeen
What is it about builders and bases? On the pool build we had to adjust the shuttering to get it straight and the idiot builder ‘forgot’ to put in a damp proof course, and now this one hasn’t turned up… I ring Rob, somewhat miffed, on Monday morning to find out when he’s going to be doing the shuttering… later on today, he promises, and sure enough he makes a start. It’s dark when I get home but by torchlight it looks ok. On Tuesday he rings in the morning to say that rather than make it too big for the base to fit, he’s made it smaller – by THREE INCHES in each direction. Suddenly our 14’ x 18’ shed is a 13’9” x 17’9” shed. He asks ‘is that OK?’ Well, actually, mate, since you asked, no it bloody isn’t. When we said 14 x 18 we actually meant 14 x 18. Good grief. I say I think it will be too small for the shed, and I ring Keith the Shed to find out. Lovely Keith says it’s ok, he can make the shed to fit the base, and he’ll just make it smaller. But we don’t want a smaller shed! Rob fixes the size, and rings me proudly later to say he’s done it (why so proud – he’s only done what we asked him to do in the first place), and we’re all set for the concreting on Wednesday but the mixer can’t deliver till 4, and have I got any torches… It’s dark by 5 here now, so only an hour is pushing it. I say I’ll put out the party lights.
On Tuesday I get my hair cut incredibly quickly – too short again. I must learn NOT to go to the hairdressers when I’m stressed as I then say ‘chop it all off’ and am unhappy when they do. Still, it’ll be quicker to dry in the mornings… Anyway, I get home and clamber into the attic for the party lights, then set about stringing them up in the dark. Easiest to plug them in first then add the bulbs, lighting the way as I go… I feel sure that one can’t get electrocuted from a light bulb but then I don’t really understand electricity. Anyway, I don’t get fried, and the lights go up. It looks really pretty! Partyish, really…
Guy arrives and makes suitably admiring noises about the lights and we stand and imagine our shed. And notice the bulge in the shuttering… the front edge is bowing out by about an inch. The back edge is bowing in by nearly as much, and the left side has a weird swerve in the shuttering two foot from the end. We get the tape measure and find that the sides are, indeed, bulging. We measure too – 14’ across the front (whoopee) and 17’11” to the back. Close enough. Just for good measure we check the diagonals to make sure it’s square. It isn’t. Not by MILES. Well, by 4 inches anyway – seems like miles to us. If we’d wanted a parallelogram, we’d have done it ourselves – we’re good at those. Rob’s going to have to fix it before the concreting. We ring his mobile but there’s no answer…
On Wednesday morning I decide maybe we are being hasty, and perhaps four inches out isn’t that bad… I email my lovely Auntie Annie who’s an architect and Knows About These Things. I ask if four inches is a long way out. It seems it is. Bummer. I phone Rob and say that we ‘believe the shuttering may not be entirely square’. See, I can do tactful. He says the sides are the right lengths and equal. I say that I know the sides are the right lengths and equal, but it’s not square because the diagonals don’t match. He says the sides are the right length and equal. I ask him to meet me at home at 2 to sort it out and to cancel the concrete if he doesn’t think it can be done. He says it’s too late to cancel the concrete, and that he’ll have a think and phone me back. I spend the morning wondering whether we’re doing it, and whether I need my afternoon off or not. He rings back to say it’s ok, he’s worked it out and that the diagonal needs to measure 22.8m. TWENTY TWO POINT EIGHT METRES? That’s half way to Guy’s house! The length is only 18’… Oh hell. He says he’ll sort it. I whiz off from work at 12.30 and hurtle to the salvage yard to pick up the remaining slabs and talk reclaimed floors with Mr T… it seems his recycled Canadian maple Burberry floor is selling incredibly fast, so I end up buying what we need. Eek! We have a floor for a shed that doesn’t even have a slab…
Mr T is incredibly chatty so I’m late leaving and hurtle back down the motorway, frustrated by the sheer volume of traffic, and mindful that I have a car full of slabs… the radio cheerfully tells me that it’s National Stress Awareness Day. IT’S OK I’M AWARE OF MY STRESS ALREADY!
When I get home Rob has sorted the shuttering, and shows me just how exactly matching the diagonals now are. Phew. Now all we need is the concrete… Darren turns up with his little dumper truck (cute or what?) and mum makes them a cup of tea.
Darren has delivered gravel for the path as well – seven tons of it. And, whilst I had said ‘put it on the drive in front of the pool cabin’ and he had done exactly that, I had forgotten that I like to swim … I will now have to climb round seven tons of gravel every morning… Rob is worried that he hasn’t ordered enough concrete and so uses a heap of old breeze blocks to fill up a bit of the base.
Rob’s two lads turn up to help, and we wait. The concrete arrives pretty much on time, and the driver likes a challenge, so he tries to drive up the lane. There’s a terrible screeching of ‘lorry through bushes’ noise and he has to give up. He backs down the lane, turns the lorry round and backs up to the narrow bit… Darren drives his dump truck under the funnel thing, and concrete is tipped. Or at least it would be if the concrete lorry didn’t now have its back end in the air – it won’t tip.
Darren takes half a load up the lane to the base, and the concrete driver goes back down the lane, turns round (again) and comes back up to a different bit which is flatter.
Darren comes back, they fill up the tipper, and off he goes… I run up the lane after him to see how it’s working, and find Rob and the boys shovelling like maniacs after the concrete is tipped. Some people might say this was an ‘action shot’. I just call it fuzzy…
I follow Darren back down the lane to make sure it’s working ok, and the driver asks for a shovel, so I run back up the lane, get one and run back down the lane. Rob phones me on my mobile and asks for a hose, so I run back up the lane again… Darren is busy doing multiple journeys on his tipper… I follow him back down and use some of the spilt concrete to fill in potholes on the lane – the driver helpfully does some too – lovely chap. Eventually it’s the last load and the concrete truck leaves – Darren tips it in and the slab is tamped down. There was enough concrete… Just! If the breeze blocks hadn’t gone in we would have been short. Oops.
Guy arrives just as they’re finishing makes suitably admiring noises. It’s only 5.30 yet it feels like midnight it’s so dark! The lights have done their stuff, and it’s all finished. Apart from the drainage, retaining wall, path, bricks, gravel, step at the front….
We have a base!! Although we haven't yet seen it in daylight...
Achieved so far: We have a base!!
Hours worked: Zillions. And lots being stressed. Well, it was National Stress Awareness Day. I did my bit.
Plan for the weekend: Keep placing bricks in path line, hopefully get them cemented in place even though the forecast is terrible. Rob is coming back on Sunday to do the retaining wall.
Pressies: Guy says one of my Christmas presents has arrived – and he was grinning fit to burst. I am worried…
Purchases: Seven tons of gravel, 4 cubic metres of concrete, 28 square yards of wooden flooring. And we hired Darren and his tipper truck.
Brick count: I haven’t had to move a brick for 3 days now… am getting withdrawal symptoms. But still looking in skips. It’s addictive!
Quote of the week: IT’S NOT BLOODY SQUARE!
On Tuesday I get my hair cut incredibly quickly – too short again. I must learn NOT to go to the hairdressers when I’m stressed as I then say ‘chop it all off’ and am unhappy when they do. Still, it’ll be quicker to dry in the mornings… Anyway, I get home and clamber into the attic for the party lights, then set about stringing them up in the dark. Easiest to plug them in first then add the bulbs, lighting the way as I go… I feel sure that one can’t get electrocuted from a light bulb but then I don’t really understand electricity. Anyway, I don’t get fried, and the lights go up. It looks really pretty! Partyish, really…
Guy arrives and makes suitably admiring noises about the lights and we stand and imagine our shed. And notice the bulge in the shuttering… the front edge is bowing out by about an inch. The back edge is bowing in by nearly as much, and the left side has a weird swerve in the shuttering two foot from the end. We get the tape measure and find that the sides are, indeed, bulging. We measure too – 14’ across the front (whoopee) and 17’11” to the back. Close enough. Just for good measure we check the diagonals to make sure it’s square. It isn’t. Not by MILES. Well, by 4 inches anyway – seems like miles to us. If we’d wanted a parallelogram, we’d have done it ourselves – we’re good at those. Rob’s going to have to fix it before the concreting. We ring his mobile but there’s no answer…
On Wednesday morning I decide maybe we are being hasty, and perhaps four inches out isn’t that bad… I email my lovely Auntie Annie who’s an architect and Knows About These Things. I ask if four inches is a long way out. It seems it is. Bummer. I phone Rob and say that we ‘believe the shuttering may not be entirely square’. See, I can do tactful. He says the sides are the right lengths and equal. I say that I know the sides are the right lengths and equal, but it’s not square because the diagonals don’t match. He says the sides are the right length and equal. I ask him to meet me at home at 2 to sort it out and to cancel the concrete if he doesn’t think it can be done. He says it’s too late to cancel the concrete, and that he’ll have a think and phone me back. I spend the morning wondering whether we’re doing it, and whether I need my afternoon off or not. He rings back to say it’s ok, he’s worked it out and that the diagonal needs to measure 22.8m. TWENTY TWO POINT EIGHT METRES? That’s half way to Guy’s house! The length is only 18’… Oh hell. He says he’ll sort it. I whiz off from work at 12.30 and hurtle to the salvage yard to pick up the remaining slabs and talk reclaimed floors with Mr T… it seems his recycled Canadian maple Burberry floor is selling incredibly fast, so I end up buying what we need. Eek! We have a floor for a shed that doesn’t even have a slab…
Mr T is incredibly chatty so I’m late leaving and hurtle back down the motorway, frustrated by the sheer volume of traffic, and mindful that I have a car full of slabs… the radio cheerfully tells me that it’s National Stress Awareness Day. IT’S OK I’M AWARE OF MY STRESS ALREADY!
When I get home Rob has sorted the shuttering, and shows me just how exactly matching the diagonals now are. Phew. Now all we need is the concrete… Darren turns up with his little dumper truck (cute or what?) and mum makes them a cup of tea.
Darren has delivered gravel for the path as well – seven tons of it. And, whilst I had said ‘put it on the drive in front of the pool cabin’ and he had done exactly that, I had forgotten that I like to swim … I will now have to climb round seven tons of gravel every morning… Rob is worried that he hasn’t ordered enough concrete and so uses a heap of old breeze blocks to fill up a bit of the base.
Rob’s two lads turn up to help, and we wait. The concrete arrives pretty much on time, and the driver likes a challenge, so he tries to drive up the lane. There’s a terrible screeching of ‘lorry through bushes’ noise and he has to give up. He backs down the lane, turns the lorry round and backs up to the narrow bit… Darren drives his dump truck under the funnel thing, and concrete is tipped. Or at least it would be if the concrete lorry didn’t now have its back end in the air – it won’t tip.
Darren takes half a load up the lane to the base, and the concrete driver goes back down the lane, turns round (again) and comes back up to a different bit which is flatter.
Darren comes back, they fill up the tipper, and off he goes… I run up the lane after him to see how it’s working, and find Rob and the boys shovelling like maniacs after the concrete is tipped. Some people might say this was an ‘action shot’. I just call it fuzzy…
I follow Darren back down the lane to make sure it’s working ok, and the driver asks for a shovel, so I run back up the lane, get one and run back down the lane. Rob phones me on my mobile and asks for a hose, so I run back up the lane again… Darren is busy doing multiple journeys on his tipper… I follow him back down and use some of the spilt concrete to fill in potholes on the lane – the driver helpfully does some too – lovely chap. Eventually it’s the last load and the concrete truck leaves – Darren tips it in and the slab is tamped down. There was enough concrete… Just! If the breeze blocks hadn’t gone in we would have been short. Oops.
Guy arrives just as they’re finishing makes suitably admiring noises. It’s only 5.30 yet it feels like midnight it’s so dark! The lights have done their stuff, and it’s all finished. Apart from the drainage, retaining wall, path, bricks, gravel, step at the front….
We have a base!! Although we haven't yet seen it in daylight...
Achieved so far: We have a base!!
Hours worked: Zillions. And lots being stressed. Well, it was National Stress Awareness Day. I did my bit.
Plan for the weekend: Keep placing bricks in path line, hopefully get them cemented in place even though the forecast is terrible. Rob is coming back on Sunday to do the retaining wall.
Pressies: Guy says one of my Christmas presents has arrived – and he was grinning fit to burst. I am worried…
Purchases: Seven tons of gravel, 4 cubic metres of concrete, 28 square yards of wooden flooring. And we hired Darren and his tipper truck.
Brick count: I haven’t had to move a brick for 3 days now… am getting withdrawal symptoms. But still looking in skips. It’s addictive!
Quote of the week: IT’S NOT BLOODY SQUARE!
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