Twenty Six
Just before Christmas we receive some bad news – the glorious (and very old) beech tree behind the shed is infirm. Well, it is 250 years old… it seems that it is simply tired, and liable to fall over. In the direction of the shed. And the pool cabin. Oops. We’ve had a tree surgeon look at it and also had some serious tree analysts with sound wave kit stuff, and we’ve been given three options – cut it down, cut it back (which will probably kill it anyway) or leave it for another year, hope it doesn’t come down, and then fell it. Not great options… Still, look on the bright side – we’ll be ok for firewood for the next 30 years…
Christmas is lovely… Guy stays with his mum (no, that’s not why it’s lovely, wait a bit…) and then drives her down for lunch on Christmas Day, my mum comes round too and we all have lunch together. Guy makes himself a puff pastry veggie plait thing, and the rest of us have a farmer’s market chicken, which is delicious. As usual, I forget something (crackers this year) but do remember to warm the plates in the bottom oven. For far too long, leading to that traditional festive cry of ‘f**k that’s hot!’ when we try to move the plates…
On Boxing Day I drive to Monmouth and visit Guy and his mum for more lunch. I like Christmas! When I get home I decide I’m in need of some exercise, so I whack nails out of 70 more floorboards… I develop a much better technique (it’s all in the wrist) but sadly not until about no. 58 of my 70… On Thursday I’m working, but Guy returns home and finishes de-nailing the floorboards. HOORAY! No, of course they’re not finished – we still have to scrape the tongues and grooves…
We have a count up. We think there are about 115 boards left to do. We decide we’ll Nitromors them in batches of 12 and do three batches a day for three days, which should finish them nicely before Sarah and Vincent arrive for New Year… we know they’d offer to help, and it’s a truly gruesome job.
On Friday we stick to our plan, and do three batches of 12… this takes 3 hours. With a little basic maths, and knowing that there are around 300 boards in total, we work out that it has taken a total of 48 man (or Sarah and Guy) hours in total. It is a labour of love. Actually, it isn’t, it’s a labour of ‘we’ve bought the bloody things we’d better use them’. In fact, those 3 hours didn’t include de-nailing, so it’s probably more. Blimey.
On Saturday we stick to the plan (again) and do three batches of 12… In between there are some boards that actually come clean without the aid of Nitromors, and we don’t count these… by the time we stop there are only 13 boards left to do for Sunday. 13!! We may actually finish these!! Then what the hell do we do?
On Sunday we FINISH THE FLOORBOARDS! Naturally, the last 13 are absolute buggers and several need a second coat of Nitromors but, eventually, we are DONE. We pile them all into the pool cabin – which is now VERY full of wood:
To celebrate we let the shed have its Christmas present – wine and chocs from Katie. Yes, we know that sheds don’t eat or drink, so of course we helped…
Achieved: Finally finished the floorboards, all 300 (ish) of them. HOORAY!
Hours worked: Sooooo many. Towards the end I was quite enjoying it…. Worrying.
Injuries: I’ve chiselled my knees and clobbered them countless times with a hammer, and our hands are so stiff we’re at the ‘can’t hold a shavehook’ stage. However, luckily, holding a G&T seems to be ok.
Most needles found in a floorboard: 3 welded into one tongue. However, as this was on about board no. 298 I was less enthusiastic than I might have been.
Most nails in a floorboard: 10. In one 6 foot length. Someone was a little over-enthusiastic, methinks?
Purchases: We went to the sales to find a duvet cover we both like for when my house is ‘our house’. We didn’t do very well with bargain hunting in the crowds, so instead we headed for B&Q and bought more Nitromors.
Pressies: I bought Guy two pew ends for Christmas for the seats under the shed windows, and he bought me a fab new digital camera with mega-zoom so that I can photograph squirrels better. I think I got the better deal – the pew ends need cleaning….
Tip of the week: When pulling a shavehook towards you, keep your mouth shut. Any bits that, miraculously, do come off usually score a direct hit and it doesn’t taste great.
Wildlife update: No sign of the mole… maybe BB has done his stuff? Or maybe the mole’s just gone away for Christmas…
Best music for scraping floorboards: New John Fogerty CD I got for Christmas. Brilliant. Rolling Stones also Pretty Damned Fine.
Plan for the week: First fix on electrics. This doesn’t involve scraping, Nitromors, or hammers. We like the sound of this job.
Grand Plan for 2008: Finish shed, redecorate my house, sell Guy’s house, move Guy in, sorted.
Fab new camera: Not only does it do the ‘self timer’ thing (see the pic of us with the shed’s wine above), but it also does fantastic zoom close-ups…
Yes, that is a LARGE squirrel’s arse…. It's a large squirrel.
Christmas is lovely… Guy stays with his mum (no, that’s not why it’s lovely, wait a bit…) and then drives her down for lunch on Christmas Day, my mum comes round too and we all have lunch together. Guy makes himself a puff pastry veggie plait thing, and the rest of us have a farmer’s market chicken, which is delicious. As usual, I forget something (crackers this year) but do remember to warm the plates in the bottom oven. For far too long, leading to that traditional festive cry of ‘f**k that’s hot!’ when we try to move the plates…
On Boxing Day I drive to Monmouth and visit Guy and his mum for more lunch. I like Christmas! When I get home I decide I’m in need of some exercise, so I whack nails out of 70 more floorboards… I develop a much better technique (it’s all in the wrist) but sadly not until about no. 58 of my 70… On Thursday I’m working, but Guy returns home and finishes de-nailing the floorboards. HOORAY! No, of course they’re not finished – we still have to scrape the tongues and grooves…
We have a count up. We think there are about 115 boards left to do. We decide we’ll Nitromors them in batches of 12 and do three batches a day for three days, which should finish them nicely before Sarah and Vincent arrive for New Year… we know they’d offer to help, and it’s a truly gruesome job.
On Friday we stick to our plan, and do three batches of 12… this takes 3 hours. With a little basic maths, and knowing that there are around 300 boards in total, we work out that it has taken a total of 48 man (or Sarah and Guy) hours in total. It is a labour of love. Actually, it isn’t, it’s a labour of ‘we’ve bought the bloody things we’d better use them’. In fact, those 3 hours didn’t include de-nailing, so it’s probably more. Blimey.
On Saturday we stick to the plan (again) and do three batches of 12… In between there are some boards that actually come clean without the aid of Nitromors, and we don’t count these… by the time we stop there are only 13 boards left to do for Sunday. 13!! We may actually finish these!! Then what the hell do we do?
On Sunday we FINISH THE FLOORBOARDS! Naturally, the last 13 are absolute buggers and several need a second coat of Nitromors but, eventually, we are DONE. We pile them all into the pool cabin – which is now VERY full of wood:
To celebrate we let the shed have its Christmas present – wine and chocs from Katie. Yes, we know that sheds don’t eat or drink, so of course we helped…
Achieved: Finally finished the floorboards, all 300 (ish) of them. HOORAY!
Hours worked: Sooooo many. Towards the end I was quite enjoying it…. Worrying.
Injuries: I’ve chiselled my knees and clobbered them countless times with a hammer, and our hands are so stiff we’re at the ‘can’t hold a shavehook’ stage. However, luckily, holding a G&T seems to be ok.
Most needles found in a floorboard: 3 welded into one tongue. However, as this was on about board no. 298 I was less enthusiastic than I might have been.
Most nails in a floorboard: 10. In one 6 foot length. Someone was a little over-enthusiastic, methinks?
Purchases: We went to the sales to find a duvet cover we both like for when my house is ‘our house’. We didn’t do very well with bargain hunting in the crowds, so instead we headed for B&Q and bought more Nitromors.
Pressies: I bought Guy two pew ends for Christmas for the seats under the shed windows, and he bought me a fab new digital camera with mega-zoom so that I can photograph squirrels better. I think I got the better deal – the pew ends need cleaning….
Tip of the week: When pulling a shavehook towards you, keep your mouth shut. Any bits that, miraculously, do come off usually score a direct hit and it doesn’t taste great.
Wildlife update: No sign of the mole… maybe BB has done his stuff? Or maybe the mole’s just gone away for Christmas…
Best music for scraping floorboards: New John Fogerty CD I got for Christmas. Brilliant. Rolling Stones also Pretty Damned Fine.
Plan for the week: First fix on electrics. This doesn’t involve scraping, Nitromors, or hammers. We like the sound of this job.
Grand Plan for 2008: Finish shed, redecorate my house, sell Guy’s house, move Guy in, sorted.
Fab new camera: Not only does it do the ‘self timer’ thing (see the pic of us with the shed’s wine above), but it also does fantastic zoom close-ups…
Yes, that is a LARGE squirrel’s arse…. It's a large squirrel.
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